Allright!
So I found a way to just fix all my problems with my boydfriend!!!
I've just stopped caring!
Since Caring is just getting me hurt.
making me THINK that he gives a shit.
and that he's actually going to respect how I feel.
So ya know what?!
I JUST DONT CARE!
If I dont care,
Then I wont get hurt?
Right?
So If he wants to talk to that whore again.
I dont care!
If he wants to go hang out with other girls.
I dont care!
If he doesnt want to see me for a week.
I dont care!
If he wants to cheat on me.
I dont care!
Ive just fucking given up.
She pulls more shit again.
He gets mad at her for a couple of weeks.
He calls her a slut, bitch and every other word in the book.
Plots ways to make her life hell,
then goes back to talking to her like nothing was ever wrong.
He told me he doesnt still have feelings for her.
Can I believe this?
Cuz seriously I dont think I can.
think about it.
Is he REALLY gonna tell his girlfriend he has feelings for another girl?
just CONSTANTLY he keeps going back to her.
For all I know he's fucking her on the side.
I have a job now.
I dont see him as much.
His last girlfriend he would tell her one thing,
then be doing another.
So why should i even fucking bother trying?
He's probably just doing the same thing.
Why would he tell me he's doing something different?
It wouldnt work then now would it!
He says Im controlling.
But how can I not be when he's fucking doing shit behind my back.
I told him if hes gonna talk to her or whatever to just fucking tell me.
And he isnt.
So he's gotta fucking be doing shit behind my back.
Im glad I havent gotten him a one year gift yet.
because I dont fucking know how long I can take this for.
My one friend told me to try and break up with him.
She did it with her boyfriend and theyre pretty much married now.
they have a kid...
but still, theyre gonna be together for ever.
And i seriously wanna know whats happening here.
Im pondering what she told me to do.
because I dont fucking know anymore.
Chances are he'd probably just be like "fine"
and walk away.
He'd probably be relieved to get away from this controlling bitch.
He's called me a bitch before.
so I know he thinks I am one.
But really what am I supposed to do?
But the best thing I can do right now,
Is just stop caring.
See how he likes that.
Maybe he'll learn something about it.
or maybe he will see it as freedom.
and take advantage of it.
I dont know.
But things are going to change.
and if he doesnt like it then oh well.
I just keep thinking that i could use someone who is actually sweet.
someone who tries to do sweet things.
Anytime i tell him he should try to surprise me
he just sits there and says "I cant surprise you.. its too hard"
Well fuck.
I guess im not worth and work eh.
I do sooooo much for him.
I make him things.
And he doesnt even try to make me anything.
He's got a fucking corkboard full of shit from me.
and I dont have a single thing from him.
He's typed me one note.
thats it.
ohh how romantic.
He used to email me all the time.
and now he just doesnt have time to.
like what the fuck.
i dont get it.
i just dont seem to matter to him anymore.
Im pretty sure im gonna show this to him
because frankly enough i dont want to talk to him.
He's probably gonna call me after he's done work.
im not gonna pick up.
i dont want to talk to him.
He can text me.
because i just dont want to talk to him.
He wants to know whats going on.
Maybe he should take a look at himself and figure it out.
im SICK of him going behind my back!
I dont know HOW many times i have to tell him that.
and I have this odd little feeling
that its never going to change.
and if thats the case.
I dont fucking know what im going to do.
This blog is like the ONLY thing keeping me sane.
and the only person other than me that knows the url.
is my one friend.
and im not gonna LET him figure it out
cuz then he will go read all my other posts.
and he doesnt need to,
he should just read this one.
after all the other ones are in the past.
and he's always telling me to leave the past in the past.
so how about he leaves them in the past.
i doubt he will.
hes gonna want to read them too
but I wont let him
and He'll have to deal with it
anyways I think thats a pretty good rant.
I feel better now.
Maybe he'll figure something out.
i doubt it though.
Ill probably be back to rant more later.
Chow!
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