We All Know That Youre A Beautiful Girl In This Horrible World

Okay so,
Stress levels at this moment and time are going through the roof.
so my manager quit earlier this month and that pissed me off, cuz the full timer is a bitch,
and apparently becoming the manager, woo fucking hoo, and i guess the manager came into work and our DM was there and told her to go home, how fucking nice eh?
at least shes getting paid for the week. That helps.
but of course i get a phone call with them wanting me to come in early,
well there's a problem with that because my car is in getting winter tires and an alignment.
so basically I cant go in until the car is done!
fuck that and I definitely don't want to go in if she's gonna be there, because they'll team up on me, i know it. But my manager told me just to stay calm and do the normal shit, and just, try to be as calm as i can but im fucking scared! To top it all off, this morning the car wouldnt start, and i was supposed to spend the day with the boy, but instead he's spending it with another friend, oh fucking well, i guess i see him too much anyways, he's probably just getting sick of me, which i figured would come along some day. it doesnt help i feel sicker than fucking hell and can't breathe, and not just because of my sinuses, my chest is like, broken. GUHHHH i fucking want this to not be gay. This referring to life, because life fucking sucks.
but i think im gonna go pace around the house for a bit and freak out a little. so ill write later maybe.
Chow

She's Tied Together With A Smile, And She's Coming Undone

So, all the shit with the ex is almost over.
I have to go to his place tomorrow and pick up my stuff.
then Ill be done with it.
finally.
it sucks that it took so long for me to really see what i was being put through,
but im glad that its done.
But on another note.
I've been hanging with some "friends" lately,
and I put quotations because im quite unsure about two of them.
One of them, totally played me for a night,
which pissed me off big time, because he knew i was in a fragile state when he did it,
so that wasn't cool,
and the other one, told me he would be my best friend,
and be there through everything,
and he's been a dick to me lately,
like Ive told him lately I need a hug, because my birthday is coming up,
and i fucking hate my birthday and he told me that he'd give me a hug,
then he comes in after work one day,
i go to give him a hug and he shoves me off.
completely,
then writes on his gf's facebook that im a douche bag and he doesnt give a shit about me.
well fuck you!
like I dont understand,
i have a fucking right to be mad at him.
but whatever. apparently i dont.
im just getting sick of people being idiots to me,
im going through a really fucking rough time,
but apparently its time to pick on me.
which is fucking gay.
i mean like, what the hell.
Ive never seen myself living either to, or past the age of 20,
so they're just fucking making it easier for me to make that true.
and im not liking this bullshit.
I don't deal well with it,
especially when im already not happy.
And with the new boy,
theyre like, his best friends...
which makes this all harder,
because i mean, ive been friends with them too,
that's how I met him,
but if things are awkward
then it might make it harder for him,
and I don't wanna make him choose,
I've already told him I don't care if he hangs out with them instead of me.
we aren't dating yet,
we're only seeing each other,
and as much as i LOVE seeing him,
I can't have him all the time,
I gotta share him.
He's not mine, I don't own him.
Plus he was friends with them long before he met me,
so he really should spend more time with them than me.
and I mean, I wont sit at home all the time,
I have people I can go out with and stuff.
Apparently he's planning a whole day for my birthday,
i mean Im kind of looking forward to it,
but at the same time im not...
because I hate my birthday.
theres nothing else to it, I hate it.
and it really sucks but what can I do?
I don't know.
I just felt like ranting,
because he's at work,
and i just read that thing on facebook and started crying.
made me so mad.
its not fair.
but whatever.
its life i guess right?
I guess im out for now..

The Freedom Is Relief

Well, with all the problems, I couldnt take it anymore.
he ended up lying more,
he was seeing his ex, and doing other things that i dont know,
and really dont care.
because im sick of it.
he hurt me way too many times.
and now i found out,
that he emailed all my emails and shit to his exs.
what a fucking douche.
im so glad im rid of him,
because seriously,
I dont think i could ever fucking do it again.
The sad thing is im pretty mad about it,
but really i kind of shouldve expected it.
he's a douche like that i guess.
But i get to move on now
and Ive found someone who is amazing.
and he actually treats me with respect,
and i just cant believe that i was with dickhead for so long,
when someone like this was just so close,
i mean we didnt meet until about a month ago,
but i really wished that i met him sooner,
it wouldve saved me more pain.
i just need to get over dick face, and ill be okay.
then I can move on with my love muffin and be happy,
i mean i have never been this happy.
its pretty amazing,
but a feeling im definately not used to.
but Im sure that i could get used to this :)
im so happy now.
And Im glad.
I guess thats all for now :)