Keep Holding on....

And again, I retreat to my blogging to get more of my pain out.
This last Tuesday, his mother and sister left to Florida for the week,
and so we were supposed to spend the week together except for the time he was at work.
and tuesday night i slept over, then he dropped me off before work.
wednesday he said i couldnt stay cuz he had to work, and then he didnt have to work,
and i stayed over, but there was a part of me thinking that he didnt want me to stay,
and it scared me. because he seems to be drifting from me.
i dont know why he's drifting but he is.
Im scared that he doesnt want to be with me anymore.
maybe im too needy, or too clingy, or maybe he just doesnt want me.
I dont know what it is, but its scary as fuck.
Yesterday he ended up giving me back all my stuff from his house.
and usually when that happens, it means theyre planning to end everything with you.
and then tonight he says he has to start seeing me less.
he's gonna stop coming in every day, and not come in 2 days..
it seems stupid but to me its everything.
because that means 2 days i get to sit at home and worry.
do nothing.
and wonder what he's up to.
like I dont know what to think.
and I can't tell him i think we're drifting.
he'll get all up front and like no. i always wanna be with you.
and then think i wanna break up with him..
but any time he says "what, you trying to break up with me?"
it just makes me think that thats what he wants.
and its really hard because all of my relationships end at 7 months.
and since we're nearing that point im getting really nervous.
and im finding the littlest things will set me off and make me really upset.
i seem to be over analyzing everything.
i just want everything to be okay.
and i want to be with him forever.
but i dont know whats going on.
im just...
scared.
soo i can just hope that things work out..
but this blogging thing reeally helps because i can get everything out.
and nobody has to know..
maybe if we're still together in a few years, i can show him this..
and maybe he wont freak out on me.
thats all for now i guess.
chow <3