Troubled Boy, Ill Kiss You One Last Time And Say Goodnight Forever.

Wow, so another amazingly horrible day has come my way,
and I definitely just feel like crying, But whatever, it doesn't matter to anyone anyways.
Here's the basic run down of my day,
be snowed out of town for work tomorrow, so i cant do that, so now he's just going home after hockey and i wont see him at all, after NOT seeing him yesterday, and then i come home, to find I was supposed to work 5:30-9:30 tonight, so at 10 30 this morning i was sleeping in, but got woken up to being called in for 1 30 because the full timer was stuck in london, so i got up and got ready for work, tried to make pancakes and FAILED miserably so my mom made them for me, then i go to leave for work and my dads car gets STUCK behind mine, and so i tried to push it out, no beans, then my 2 neighbours came to help, nothing, then the MAILMAN came to help, still nothing and then a fire chief was driving down the road and helped, finally got them out, but after an HOUR, so im late for work, and dads car is fucked, the brakes are messed, so he missed work and blamed ME for it, so he's pissed at me, so i finally get to work, and i cant do anything right, and i wasnt supposed to get my rag for another 2 days and the boy and i had a special night planned, so that ruined that and i was talking to mom about going to his place tonight and she said not to because its going to snow another 20cms, so i'dim out of pads, fucking great, and i opened my phone bill to find I didnt pay last months for whatever reason, so I owe them over $100 so I transferred that out of my fucking school fund, oh joy. Then i went to bp with the boy and one of his friends, which was kind of weird, because i mean, ive been in a crappy mood all night and he's drinking, and he wants to be kissed of course, but i cant stand the smell of beer unless I'm drinking aswell, so I kissed him, because he'd get mad if i didn't so whatev, i just feel sick now, but who cares right? It's just me anyways... But my best friend has this new girlfriend thing, and i was there for the weekend, and of course the boy has to tell me he thinks shes totally hott, and he's got a things for blondes, well im not blonde anymore, so i feel like shit for that, and then i was talking to the bff at bp through texts, and i told the boy that he had a good night and he asked if he was with the blonde, and then turns to his friend and is like "its the blonde chick from the weekend" so obv. he's told him about her, which makes me feel awesome, because now i know he thinks she's super hott, and i know that im nothing compared to her, so of course I feel like shit, and I dont feel pretty, so I dont even know, but really, if we aren't actually dating i shouldnt care right? he can do and say what he wants, because he's not my bf, yet... if that even works, i dont know, i want it too, but i just have so many doubts and stuff, and its mostly about myself, i dont think i can trust him, because he's a guy, how fucking much does that suck? Because he doesnt deserve that, but whatever, i cant do anything about it right? whatever. Ill just die alone... preferably soon :( Or just do something to make him hate me, and then he wont have to worry about me, but chances are ill do that anyways, because i always do, because im a horrible person. but anyways i dont even care. i just feel like shit, and i hate this. and i hate my life. i just fucking want to die. Maybe with this shitty weather ill get hit by a transport truck or something...

We All Know That Youre A Beautiful Girl In This Horrible World

Okay so,
Stress levels at this moment and time are going through the roof.
so my manager quit earlier this month and that pissed me off, cuz the full timer is a bitch,
and apparently becoming the manager, woo fucking hoo, and i guess the manager came into work and our DM was there and told her to go home, how fucking nice eh?
at least shes getting paid for the week. That helps.
but of course i get a phone call with them wanting me to come in early,
well there's a problem with that because my car is in getting winter tires and an alignment.
so basically I cant go in until the car is done!
fuck that and I definitely don't want to go in if she's gonna be there, because they'll team up on me, i know it. But my manager told me just to stay calm and do the normal shit, and just, try to be as calm as i can but im fucking scared! To top it all off, this morning the car wouldnt start, and i was supposed to spend the day with the boy, but instead he's spending it with another friend, oh fucking well, i guess i see him too much anyways, he's probably just getting sick of me, which i figured would come along some day. it doesnt help i feel sicker than fucking hell and can't breathe, and not just because of my sinuses, my chest is like, broken. GUHHHH i fucking want this to not be gay. This referring to life, because life fucking sucks.
but i think im gonna go pace around the house for a bit and freak out a little. so ill write later maybe.
Chow

She's Tied Together With A Smile, And She's Coming Undone

So, all the shit with the ex is almost over.
I have to go to his place tomorrow and pick up my stuff.
then Ill be done with it.
finally.
it sucks that it took so long for me to really see what i was being put through,
but im glad that its done.
But on another note.
I've been hanging with some "friends" lately,
and I put quotations because im quite unsure about two of them.
One of them, totally played me for a night,
which pissed me off big time, because he knew i was in a fragile state when he did it,
so that wasn't cool,
and the other one, told me he would be my best friend,
and be there through everything,
and he's been a dick to me lately,
like Ive told him lately I need a hug, because my birthday is coming up,
and i fucking hate my birthday and he told me that he'd give me a hug,
then he comes in after work one day,
i go to give him a hug and he shoves me off.
completely,
then writes on his gf's facebook that im a douche bag and he doesnt give a shit about me.
well fuck you!
like I dont understand,
i have a fucking right to be mad at him.
but whatever. apparently i dont.
im just getting sick of people being idiots to me,
im going through a really fucking rough time,
but apparently its time to pick on me.
which is fucking gay.
i mean like, what the hell.
Ive never seen myself living either to, or past the age of 20,
so they're just fucking making it easier for me to make that true.
and im not liking this bullshit.
I don't deal well with it,
especially when im already not happy.
And with the new boy,
theyre like, his best friends...
which makes this all harder,
because i mean, ive been friends with them too,
that's how I met him,
but if things are awkward
then it might make it harder for him,
and I don't wanna make him choose,
I've already told him I don't care if he hangs out with them instead of me.
we aren't dating yet,
we're only seeing each other,
and as much as i LOVE seeing him,
I can't have him all the time,
I gotta share him.
He's not mine, I don't own him.
Plus he was friends with them long before he met me,
so he really should spend more time with them than me.
and I mean, I wont sit at home all the time,
I have people I can go out with and stuff.
Apparently he's planning a whole day for my birthday,
i mean Im kind of looking forward to it,
but at the same time im not...
because I hate my birthday.
theres nothing else to it, I hate it.
and it really sucks but what can I do?
I don't know.
I just felt like ranting,
because he's at work,
and i just read that thing on facebook and started crying.
made me so mad.
its not fair.
but whatever.
its life i guess right?
I guess im out for now..