Wow, so another amazingly horrible day has come my way,
and I definitely just feel like crying, But whatever, it doesn't matter to anyone anyways.
Here's the basic run down of my day,
be snowed out of town for work tomorrow, so i cant do that, so now he's just going home after hockey and i wont see him at all, after NOT seeing him yesterday, and then i come home, to find I was supposed to work 5:30-9:30 tonight, so at 10 30 this morning i was sleeping in, but got woken up to being called in for 1 30 because the full timer was stuck in london, so i got up and got ready for work, tried to make pancakes and FAILED miserably so my mom made them for me, then i go to leave for work and my dads car gets STUCK behind mine, and so i tried to push it out, no beans, then my 2 neighbours came to help, nothing, then the MAILMAN came to help, still nothing and then a fire chief was driving down the road and helped, finally got them out, but after an HOUR, so im late for work, and dads car is fucked, the brakes are messed, so he missed work and blamed ME for it, so he's pissed at me, so i finally get to work, and i cant do anything right, and i wasnt supposed to get my rag for another 2 days and the boy and i had a special night planned, so that ruined that and i was talking to mom about going to his place tonight and she said not to because its going to snow another 20cms, so i'dim out of pads, fucking great, and i opened my phone bill to find I didnt pay last months for whatever reason, so I owe them over $100 so I transferred that out of my fucking school fund, oh joy. Then i went to bp with the boy and one of his friends, which was kind of weird, because i mean, ive been in a crappy mood all night and he's drinking, and he wants to be kissed of course, but i cant stand the smell of beer unless I'm drinking aswell, so I kissed him, because he'd get mad if i didn't so whatev, i just feel sick now, but who cares right? It's just me anyways... But my best friend has this new girlfriend thing, and i was there for the weekend, and of course the boy has to tell me he thinks shes totally hott, and he's got a things for blondes, well im not blonde anymore, so i feel like shit for that, and then i was talking to the bff at bp through texts, and i told the boy that he had a good night and he asked if he was with the blonde, and then turns to his friend and is like "its the blonde chick from the weekend" so obv. he's told him about her, which makes me feel awesome, because now i know he thinks she's super hott, and i know that im nothing compared to her, so of course I feel like shit, and I dont feel pretty, so I dont even know, but really, if we aren't actually dating i shouldnt care right? he can do and say what he wants, because he's not my bf, yet... if that even works, i dont know, i want it too, but i just have so many doubts and stuff, and its mostly about myself, i dont think i can trust him, because he's a guy, how fucking much does that suck? Because he doesnt deserve that, but whatever, i cant do anything about it right? whatever. Ill just die alone... preferably soon :( Or just do something to make him hate me, and then he wont have to worry about me, but chances are ill do that anyways, because i always do, because im a horrible person. but anyways i dont even care. i just feel like shit, and i hate this. and i hate my life. i just fucking want to die. Maybe with this shitty weather ill get hit by a transport truck or something...
