Blast from the past!

Wow! So it's been a longgggg time since I've written in here and I completely forgot about it!! A little update, (Even though I'm sure nobody reads this! haha)Tyler and I are still together! YAY! It's been 3 and a half years now and we're still as happy as the first day we met! We have an apartment together and hoping to soon get a pre approval for our first house! So I finished my 3 years of College and am currently working as a Child and youth worker! It's awesome, I love the kids to death!! Some days are hard, obviously - it's not an easy job, but with a positive outlook it can be easy to keep doing.

Some not so positive updates - I've been in the hospital quite a bit lately, last night I went up because I've been having some serious chest pain and found out I cut my esophagus. How? I have no idea, I'm just that special. But 2 weeks ago I was in and out for 4 days due to a Pelvic infection, not fun at all and now I have to go see a gynecologist because my doctors think I may have endometriosis. I'm absolutely terrified. My family has a history of difficulties during pregnancy and endometriosis can cause infertility, of course not in all cases, but since it's hard enough to get and stay pregnant in my family it may cause some issues. Scary for sure, but I'm trying to keep positive about it, and hope that maybe its something else? I don't know what else it could be of course but I guess we will see right? Other than that, I'm not too sure what else to write about. Oh, a friend from high school - Julia Lyons, she passed away a few weeks ago, I didn't know her super well but she always said hi and made time to stop and talk to me any time I saw her. She was an amazing person all around and she will be missed by many people for sure. She had Cystic Fibrosis, a terrible disease, I really hope they find a cure soon because it's so horrible! She made it 27 years with 2 double lung transplants. She was a fighter that's for sure. And an inspiration to all.

Umm So I'm not sure how long ago exactly it was I posted so I mean I could be leaving out a LOT of stuff, but oh well, we will see!! Maybe I'll update this a little more now that I remembered I have it, it would be a good way to vent out frustrations! Well That's all for now!

Troubled Boy, Ill Kiss You One Last Time And Say Goodnight Forever.

Wow, so another amazingly horrible day has come my way,
and I definitely just feel like crying, But whatever, it doesn't matter to anyone anyways.
Here's the basic run down of my day,
be snowed out of town for work tomorrow, so i cant do that, so now he's just going home after hockey and i wont see him at all, after NOT seeing him yesterday, and then i come home, to find I was supposed to work 5:30-9:30 tonight, so at 10 30 this morning i was sleeping in, but got woken up to being called in for 1 30 because the full timer was stuck in london, so i got up and got ready for work, tried to make pancakes and FAILED miserably so my mom made them for me, then i go to leave for work and my dads car gets STUCK behind mine, and so i tried to push it out, no beans, then my 2 neighbours came to help, nothing, then the MAILMAN came to help, still nothing and then a fire chief was driving down the road and helped, finally got them out, but after an HOUR, so im late for work, and dads car is fucked, the brakes are messed, so he missed work and blamed ME for it, so he's pissed at me, so i finally get to work, and i cant do anything right, and i wasnt supposed to get my rag for another 2 days and the boy and i had a special night planned, so that ruined that and i was talking to mom about going to his place tonight and she said not to because its going to snow another 20cms, so i'dim out of pads, fucking great, and i opened my phone bill to find I didnt pay last months for whatever reason, so I owe them over $100 so I transferred that out of my fucking school fund, oh joy. Then i went to bp with the boy and one of his friends, which was kind of weird, because i mean, ive been in a crappy mood all night and he's drinking, and he wants to be kissed of course, but i cant stand the smell of beer unless I'm drinking aswell, so I kissed him, because he'd get mad if i didn't so whatev, i just feel sick now, but who cares right? It's just me anyways... But my best friend has this new girlfriend thing, and i was there for the weekend, and of course the boy has to tell me he thinks shes totally hott, and he's got a things for blondes, well im not blonde anymore, so i feel like shit for that, and then i was talking to the bff at bp through texts, and i told the boy that he had a good night and he asked if he was with the blonde, and then turns to his friend and is like "its the blonde chick from the weekend" so obv. he's told him about her, which makes me feel awesome, because now i know he thinks she's super hott, and i know that im nothing compared to her, so of course I feel like shit, and I dont feel pretty, so I dont even know, but really, if we aren't actually dating i shouldnt care right? he can do and say what he wants, because he's not my bf, yet... if that even works, i dont know, i want it too, but i just have so many doubts and stuff, and its mostly about myself, i dont think i can trust him, because he's a guy, how fucking much does that suck? Because he doesnt deserve that, but whatever, i cant do anything about it right? whatever. Ill just die alone... preferably soon :( Or just do something to make him hate me, and then he wont have to worry about me, but chances are ill do that anyways, because i always do, because im a horrible person. but anyways i dont even care. i just feel like shit, and i hate this. and i hate my life. i just fucking want to die. Maybe with this shitty weather ill get hit by a transport truck or something...

We All Know That Youre A Beautiful Girl In This Horrible World

Okay so,
Stress levels at this moment and time are going through the roof.
so my manager quit earlier this month and that pissed me off, cuz the full timer is a bitch,
and apparently becoming the manager, woo fucking hoo, and i guess the manager came into work and our DM was there and told her to go home, how fucking nice eh?
at least shes getting paid for the week. That helps.
but of course i get a phone call with them wanting me to come in early,
well there's a problem with that because my car is in getting winter tires and an alignment.
so basically I cant go in until the car is done!
fuck that and I definitely don't want to go in if she's gonna be there, because they'll team up on me, i know it. But my manager told me just to stay calm and do the normal shit, and just, try to be as calm as i can but im fucking scared! To top it all off, this morning the car wouldnt start, and i was supposed to spend the day with the boy, but instead he's spending it with another friend, oh fucking well, i guess i see him too much anyways, he's probably just getting sick of me, which i figured would come along some day. it doesnt help i feel sicker than fucking hell and can't breathe, and not just because of my sinuses, my chest is like, broken. GUHHHH i fucking want this to not be gay. This referring to life, because life fucking sucks.
but i think im gonna go pace around the house for a bit and freak out a little. so ill write later maybe.
Chow